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i like where we are,
when we drive, in my car
i like where we are.... here

cause our lips, can touch
and our cheeks, can brush
our lips can touch here

well you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms


i like where you sleep,
when you sleep, next to me.
i like where you sleep... here

cause our lips, can touch
and our cheeks, can brush
our lips can touch here

well you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

our lips, can touch
our lips, can touch...here

you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your

you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you miss you
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

here in your arms.
here in your arms.
i got rejected

i haven't eaten a bite for nine days.

not even lemon.

just about 3 cups of water the entire week.

i usually don't drink water at all.

it's so amazing but painful [in a good way] that when i take my first sip of water for the week and i get super sick and full and can't even touch water anymore.

i drank two sips of water yesterday and one cup today and the fucking scale claims i've gained 2 since yesterday. gosh.

stop.

making.

me.

gain.

or.

not.

lose!!

sunday: i planned on eating lots of calories of sushi at geisha house for my best friend's second party
- now it's that plus a cupcake and hot chocolate w/marshmallow in the morning bc the cupcakes are the most amazing food i've EVER had and i want to try a holiday one [i know it sucks that i want to]

THEN we are eating here at my best friend's house for her first party and it's sandwiches and probably chips or something like that! :',(


sooooo fdgkjhdfghkdfg she's right here

my goodness

GEORGIA FROST
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. John West

Don't need to wait
'Cause we know these things don't, don't work themselves out over night
'Cause this struggle is a part of everyone's life
And we pay our dues
We try but sometimes we don't get to choose

But if you,
You really wanted to change,
You probably already would have, anyway
But if you,
you really wanted to start new,
This moment's never too late
So need to wait
For no New Year's Day
For no New Year's Day
No need to wait for no New Year's Day
For no New Year's Day

Just sitting waiting
Watching people passing me by
Some people struggling
Some others never get by
But some say,
"Don't, don't dream too loud;
'Cause after all we're all just another face in the crowd"

But if you,
You really wanted to change,
You probably already would have, anyway, yeah
See, but if you,
You really wanted to start new,
This moment's never too late
So need to wait
For no New Year's Day
For no New Year's Day
No need to wait for no New Year's
No need to wait for no New Year's Day
For no New Year's
For no New Year's Day.

love

guess i should update
1:19 and i have school at 7:00
i want to update update update for solace but sometimes it's like a trigger - for bad shit
dr. drew pinsky said 'bulimia is fatal 1/5 times.' is that possible?
like if i'm bulimic from 14-25 would i die at 35? or what? would iiiiii get cancer?

well, my brain matters more to me than anything in the world

anything.


right now

my brain feels amazing

thanks to Jared Leto.

THANK YOU

help me

at this point, i really hate the person who made me this way. and it wasn't myself

more

i always read my entrys after submitting them, which i'm sure is commonplace
i just read the last one and i realize alothough it highlights not anorexia, nor directly bulimia, nor directly ed-nos, it is the perfect experience in the mind of..this person
anybody who knows me reading it would see someone they DO NOT KNOW
someone who is me and nobody knows but me
i want to post it everywhere

and have everyone look at me and know everything

judge me

hate me

like that i have this imperfection

something

what is this disorder?!?!?!

i don't want to use a question mark here but psychologically possible to rid of it [i didn't fill in the grammar because i don't want to ask it]

i really don't like this

this needs to go away

dfjhnsdjkhldhsdflhdfjshgdfjhgfj;dhfucking long have i been saying this to myself

well, maybe i should try - NO!! i have been trying!! eating is TRYING and not eating is TRYING and in the middle is TRYING the hardest! but never is it HEALTH!! not even running!! at least when i was a full-fledged bulimic running felt great and for a cause now it feels fucking terrible and [CRY] always like everyone is watching me getting actually pissed off about how fat i am or how much weight i've gained. OH MY GOSH NOBODY SHOULD FEEL THIS WAY


N O B O D Y S H O U L D F E E L T H I S W A Y

goshh

i'm scared to write
i have a lot of fear
i come here a lot when i have fear
but i avoid here a lot when i have fear

i have no drugs to turn to
i have no alcohol to turn to any longer
i have no cigarettes to turn to
i have no superficiality to turn to
i have no friends to turn to
i have no person to turn to
i have no one to turn to
i have a lonely, empty, fat-covered cave turn to

and eventually, i will look back and say i wish i was myself because i'll wish i was this skinny
that's how it always is
grass is greener; grass:past appearance

i can't explain this in few words
i know weight doesn't matter
but i want to be comfortable and able to fit into my clothes
but on no new day have i succeeded in eating heathily, exercising, or being motivated
and i have absolutely no one to tell
that i can't do it
that i can't do it
that i have the hardest time doing it
today i envisioned myself calling a help line [which i made up] and they advised me to tell and i realisticly saw myself go on to not tell anyone
how could i?
well, i won't
i just have to be strong
why don't i just lose inches until i fit back into my clothes?
well, which clothes?
well, the 'normal-sized' ones
well, the 'skinny' ones
well, the 'two years ago ones'
well, all of them and more would be ideal - but my thighs not touching would be ideal

so i'll leave with saying, "

however many pounds i am right now, my birthday is may 27 and my present to myself is losing this weight.
i should lose 5 pounds a week to make this effective
can i do it?
of course

i can do anything

why do i keep losing?

this is really bad

it's all really bad

imagine not being able to focus on anything except food all day every day,
not being able to be hungry or full all day every day,
oh wait, i don't have to imagine that

oooooh my goooshhhh

somebody help me

do eet

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